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Last night I wrote something “You feel the most lonely when you want to pour your heart out and there is nobody around”, which triggered a whole lot of musings in my mind and then someone I met yesterday asked me to pen it down and here I am.
Let’s begin with the two words that I have used in the title of this post “Loner” & “Lonely”. People are often confused between the meaning of two words so here is their dictionary meaning :
Loner : “person who prefers not to associate with others”
Lonely : “a sad person who has no friends or company”
There is a huge difference in both the words and I’ve seen people tagging themselves as loner, when they are actually lonely. You are a loner by choice and you are lonely because of the kind of person you are. Yes, there I said it.
I have seen random people whining about how lonely they are. Its a human tendency actually to blame your shortcomings on the other person and the word “Expectation” can be blamed too for it. Just think about yourself and figure out, when was the last time you were there for someone, when they actually needed you. I am not talking about physical presence. Always remember that human relations are based on two way communication. If you are not communicating with a person properly, you would never be able to get what exactly you are looking for. Such people are lonely. Because who would want to be friends with you, or accompany you for something that you want to do when you cannot support them when they need you.
Its a mean world actually, and as I always say, its good to be a bit selfish at times. Not because, you have a problem in your head, but just because, the other person doesn’t deserve you fully. Another thing I’d like to say here is, you are living a life that you have opted for. No one has compelled you to take up something that you never wanted to do, and still if you have still took it, just make sure you don’t let yourself or the person counting on you down, because at the end of the day it is all about being satisfied.
Let me touch another very important aspect of our lives i.e. Relationships. I am not a relationship advisor as we have enough “Love Gurus” in every nook and corner of the world already, but yes, if someone discusses something with me, I rather try not to comment. I have seen people tagging themselves as “Loner” after breaking up with someone. Yes, they just don’t want to associate themselves with the rest of the world. I have seen people blaming it on their exes because their relationship didn’t work. Ever thought, have you given your 100% (which depends on various things) to it ? I’m sure, most of you would say “YES, but think from your partner’s perspective (which is surely very tough), and I am sure, the answer would change to “MAY BE”. (And it does include getting physical too if you relationship was serious enough. If you know what I mean).
To conclude this abrupt post, which has no head or leg, I would just like to say one thing, Happiness is an option and you need to choose it. If you feel happy in being a Loner, go for it. Never let anyone mess with your headspace no matter how important they are for you. Drawing lines and making sure people don’t cross them is in your hands, and if you can’t handle it, just don’t associate with people. You would end up hurting yourself and them too.
I dont know whether I’ve been able to convey what the title of this post suggests. But yes, if my words have got your thought process initiated. My job is done.